Please stop commenting on my food
Misunderstandings around eating disorders at Christmas
I write about the psychology of eating disorders. I have personally recovered from bulimia and have worked as a therapist for 20 years. I hope to inspire, educate and improve understanding about eating disorders through my writing. Names used are fictional and stories shared are a combined insight of many client experiences. I believe that full recovery is possible for everyone.
Listen the the audio here: -
Take your ‘average’ human today and you will find that they don’t fully understand eating disorders.
The following myths remain pervasive: -
You must be super skinny to have an eating disorder. This means properly, visibly bone-shockingly thin.
Eating disorders only affect white, adolescent girls.
Eating disorders involve eating very little.
Although there is truth in these statements, these myths neglect to validate the much broader spectrum and diversity of eating disorders.
For example: -
The gym rat who obsessively tracks their macros and muscle growth from Monday to Friday, and then spends the weekend in a frenzy of dissociated binge eating (binge eating disorder).
The frazzled mum who has a healthy weight and looks ‘well’ but is preoccupied with calories and step counts 24/7. She feels cold, tired and preoccupied with food (atypical anorexia nervosa).
Or the grandmother venturing into another Slimming World plan for the umpteenth time but has relapsed into chaotic over-eating. She is vowing to start the Cambridge shakes detox plan on January 1st (OSFED: other specified feeding and eating disorder).
And then there’s disordered eating. You don’t fall neatly into a diagnostic category, but you struggle daily with food and body image.
There is a huge bulk of the population who are immersed in the depths of a wellness rabbit hole, to the point of obsession and health anxiety.
The intention is wellness, but the practice is mentally crippling and potentially harmful.
For example: - the uncle whose mid-life crisis has birthed a fitness overhaul involving rigid gym routines and endless tracking of data to the point of fixation and interference with life.
Outwardly, it looks ‘healthy’ and desirable but monstrous anxiety lurks beneath. It’s an avoidance of deeper struggles with work and relationships. It has taken over life and nothing feels good enough.
This is not to say that everyone pursuing wellness is obsessed.
There is nuance and it’s important to look at the individual. The thinking behind the behaviours is the crucial part.
Is it coming from a place of peace or punishment?
Due to all the above, if you’re in eating disorder recovery, you might feel very alone and unseen.
If you ‘look healthy’, others might presume all is well.
Inadvertently, due to the pervasiveness of diet and wellness culture, you may be contending with a whole barrage of unhelpful comments and behaviours, as people don’t get it.
You may not wish to share with others anyway, due to the shame and isolation experienced when you have an eating disorder. Understandably, you might worry that they don’t understand, or they may judge you unhelpfully.
This is extremely difficult to cope with.
Here are 5 Christmas food coping strategies to support you in eating disorder recovery: -
1. Stay in your own lane
At Christmas, other people will not be your best role models around eating. It’s not uncommon for Auntie Jean to be dieting or your older brother to be intermittent fasting or someone else obsessing over their gut microbiome.
Other people might not eat regularly and miss meals.
If you are in recovery from an eating disorder, eating regularly is like wearing your oxygen mask. You one hundred per cent need to do it and prioritise this self-care.
Over hunger leaves you vulnerable to over-eating when you are presented with the lavish buffet and endless treats.
Instead, make deliberate, intentional decisions to eat little and often throughout the day to keep blood sugar stable, choosing foods that are sustaining and satisfying.
When it comes to Christmas dinner, you do not need to go crazy. Treat it like a regular eating occasion and portion accordingly.
2-3 hours later, have your snack, even if everyone else is stuffed to the brim with no interest in food.
Your self-care is vital. Give yourself permission to practice this. Get your loved ones to support you, if this is helpful.
2. Intentional eating of delicious foods
When the pendulum swings away from restrictive eating, you probably desire to eat every single food in sight. Never mind whether you even like the food or not.
Banning foods brings on feelings of deprivation and misery.
Human beings do not like scarcity. Remember the toilet roll situation in lock down. People became obsessed and hoarded the things!
Avoid scarcity and consider the foods that you particularly love.
You are not a dustbin for any old Christmas delight.
So, if you desire the Christmas pudding, make a conscious choice to permit it wholeheartedly and to celebrate.
Serve yourself a reasonable portion and sit at the table with some ceremony, eating slowly, whilst savouring every delicious mouthful.
Eating secretly at the cupboard door only fuels self-loathing and robs you of the feeling of satisfaction.
3. No body bashing behaviours
Standing on the weighing scales or scrutinising the mirror reflection of your stomach on Christmas morning is unhelpful and unwise. You wouldn’t recommend this behaviour to your dearest friend.
Such critical body focus is never going to reap the reward of self-love and peace with food.
Choose an outfit that is comfortable and flattering for Christmas Day.
Focus your attention on the parts of the day that bring you happiness and joy.
You might need to take a break or phone a friend or go for a walk.
Christmas Day can be intense, and some self-care boundaries are crucial.
4. You are not a dustbin
Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to food that you don’t want. I’m not encouraging restriction here but rather an intentional tuning-in to your bodily and hunger cues.
When you’re in eating disorder recovery, you can feel obliged to eat any food offered, regardless of your body’s needs.
You are not obligated to eat everything that others are serving you.
You can have some choice and decision making to implement maximal self-care around regular eating and a healthy quantity for you.
5. Alcohol and eating
Alcohol can be a wonderful pleasure and social lubricator.
It can also bring on feelings of low mood and depression.
It might also generate cravings which can exacerbate ‘out of control’ feelings around food.
Think about your alcohol intake within the framework of self-care, with consideration around how you can best support yourself.
Final thoughts
Christmas can be a potentially stressful time when you struggle with eating.
Acknowledge this openly and without judgement. You are not alone in experiencing these worries.
You can feel empowered by making an intentional plan to help you manage your relationship with food over the holidays.
You can get support from trusted others in managing this too.
As you move into 2025, make a self-caring resolution towards creating more peace with food and your body.
You know well that the seductive January detox will perpetuate disordered eating patterns, however tempting it seems.
Do you relate? How are you going to self-care around eating this Christmas?
To find out more about my work:-
Go to my Website
ONLINE COURSES
Online 10 Steps to Intuitive Eating - a course to help you heal your relationship with food.
Online Breaking Free from Bulimia - a course to help you break free from bulimia nervosa.
Eating Disorders Training for Professionals - training for therapists in working with clients with eating disorders.
Body Image Training for Professionals - training for therapists in working with clients with body image issues.
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